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While the idea of love, at first sight, may seem romantic, it is not necessarily a realistic expectation. It takes time to truly get to know someone and establish a deep connection. Instant attraction and infatuation can be powerful, but building a lasting relationship requires more than just physical chemistry. The belief in a single, perfect soulmate who completes us is a popular myth perpetuated by movies and books. This idea can create unrealistic expectations and put undue pressure on relationships. It is important to recognize that compatibility is a result of shared values, interests, and goals, rather than just a mystical connection.
Don’t…limit yourself. Keep your options open and remember one way of finding a date is not necessarily right for everyone. There are so many options, including online dating sites, apps, recommendations, blind dates, meeting someone when socialising and more. The world is your oyster. Do…remember to have fun and that dating should be exciting. Although the end goal is to find a perfect partner, it’s important to enjoy the journey. Plan fun dates and do things you both like. If your date isn’t ‘the one’, at least you will have some fun experiences.
There are a lot of reasons we stick around with people we know are not good for us. Maybe they’re a security blanket, maybe we’re lonely, or maybe we’re seeking external approval. But no matter the reason the wrong person is in your life, as soon as you realize they’re not the one for you, that should be the end of it, not the beginning of the end. Now, if you have a friend with benefits (you don’t have feelings for) or love flirty-texting that hot coworker, you do you, girl. But those people you go to out of loneliness, comfortability, or insecurity? They’re just holding you back. Know what you deserve, be honest with yourself, and don’t settle. Bonus tip: Unfollow on social media. Just do it!
If you’re too intimidated to approach the kind of woman you think you deserve, while still rejecting all the ones that show interest in you, you’re going to remain single for a long time. Serial dating happens when a guy hasn’t settled down to really understand what he wants in a woman. These types of guys approach almost every girl they see. They use external beauty alone as their metric for evaluating girls. They don’t have standards or virtues they want in a woman. Their focus is simply hoping to get laid. The problem with this approach to dating is that it often ends up frustrating and confusing you. It’s immature, and it’s an unrealistic way of finding a partner. You’ll most likely end up getting more rejections than you can handle.
Most guys believe they have to be tough all the time. Men are taught very early on to not show too much emotion. And for this reason, most men learn to not show any form of vulnerability around women. But the truth is that vulnerability can make a woman feel more connected to you. Think about it. Showing a woman that you can be vulnerable around her tells her that she’s special to you. It means you trust her, and she can trust you to be transparent with her anytime. For instance, some men will still like to show dominance even when they are at fault. But a man who willingly opens up and simply admits his wrongs, though is vulnerable at that moment, will only melt his woman’s heart with his honesty and emotional maturity.
Treat every date like it’s special: Okay, we know. Not every date is going to include sparks and fireworks. Sometimes it’s just plain boring or what you thought was going to be a great match turns out to be a total clash. But the important thing to remember is that every single date no matter the outcome is an opportunity for growth. You’re making a connection with another human, after all, and there’s always something to learn and something to share. Be curious, ask questions, find qualities about that person to appreciate, and after each date, even the duds. Take a moment to recognize how the experience contributes to your self-growth.
The purpose of going on dates, talking to new people, and opening yourself up to meet someone new is not to feed your ego, affirm insecurities, or to find a soulmate ASAP. The purpose is to collect information that will bring you closer to a happy, fulfilling life and to have a good time along the way. Bottom line: It should be fun meeting new people, whether or not a second date follows. If it’s not, take a break from dating to reflect on what you’re really looking for in your dating life.
Work through your baggage. Everyone has a few scrapes and scars from previous experiences that can creep into their love lives. For instance, maybe your parents failed to show you consistent affection, and now you find yourself being extra needy in relationships. Or maybe your ex cheated on you, leaving you with some serious trust issues. Regardless of what baggage you’re carrying around, it’s time to dig deep and work through it. Otherwise, it may prove next to impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone new. Bottom line? Clear your mind of “the one who got away” and you’ll have a much easier time recognizing someone great when you see them. Whether that means meditating, working with a therapist or dating coach, practicing self-care, or keeping yourself busy with healthy distractions, the point is that you’ll be far more likely to actually achieve your romantic goals IRL, rather than just in your head.
My motto is: you get what you put up with. So, are you willing to accept someone who walks all over you, disrespects your boundaries, or takes from you without giving in return? Expect more. Better yet, work on believing that you deserve more, and that way, you can hold any future partners accountable. Start by making a list of all the skills and positive qualities you can bring to the table in a relationship. Are you a compassionate listener? Generous with your time? Have a great sense of humor? If you need to, ask friends for their take on what your biggest strengths are. Once you’ve drafted your list, read it every single day. Eventually, it’ll start sinking in that you have a lot to offer in a relationship, and therefore, should only be with someone who not only appreciates all of those qualities but also has a lot to offer in return.