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It will show in how you look at her. And your conversations will most likely be steered towards sex. For instance, when you start looking for ways to get a girl to your place after a first date, she knows you’re up to something. And a girl who thinks you only want to be with her for the sex isn’t going to want to have a relationship with you. In his book, The Art of Seduction, Rober Greene explained that the problem so many people have with seduction is that they say everything they mean. Though it is instinctive to want to get poetic about your feelings when you like someone, it is better to reveal your intentions gradually. Women like to feel that they earned their admiration. She wants to think it’s her unique character, her virtue, her honesty, her integrity, etc., that attracted you to her.
Communicate your preferences: Share your needs and preferences early. Many times, people are concerned they will appear “needy” or “high-maintenance.” No, you are setting expectations. If your work requires you to be on virtual calls most of the day and you cannot text or call during the day, communicate this and let the other party know when you are available. If you prefer daily check-ins, even just a little text to say hi, let the person know. Are you punctual? Express your appreciation for being on time to dates. Are you constantly running late? Give your date a heads up and apologize in advance.
Don’t…dismiss someone after just one date! Instead of jumping to a conclusion, consider that the other person may have been extremely nervous or just having a bad day. Unless it is obvious things won’t work out, have a second date to really get a feel for that other person. Many successful marriages all started on a bad first date! Who knows, you could be one of them too, one day. Do…be adventurous! When it comes to planning a date, think outside the box and book an activity you haven’t done before. Need inspiration? Subscribe to the @made_my_date mailing list and let your inbox be filled with fun dating ideas.
Many of us have extensive prerequisite checklists before even considering going on a first date. Maybe you want someone who is exactly like you, whether it’s interests, religion, or background. Maybe you’re not looking twice at people who have a certain dating history, are over a certain age, or own a cat (because you’re way more of a dog person). While shared values are crucial and compatibility is often determined by similarities, try getting to know someone before making assumptions based on your prerequisites. The only “prerequisites” you need are your non-negotiable values, like kindness, integrity, and humor. Otherwise, base opinions on how you feel, not off of a checklist. Pay attention to the person in front of you and try not to project a narrative or assign meaning to traits before you even know the person. Ask questions and genuinely care about why someone is the way they are before determining whether or not they are for you.
FYI: Being alone is a good thing. A single relationship status or even just time spent on our own allows us to turn inward, explore our truest desires, and get to know ourselves better. When we know ourselves and what we want, our dating lives become more fulfilling, successful, and fun. Any amount of time alone can be invested to understand what we want out of a partner, but more importantly, it can make us feel so whole we don’t need a partner. Let me go on a quick tangent about a few outdated dating rules that we really should ditch, like, yesterday. To start, my least favorites of all dating rules are “Don’t kiss on the first date” and the “Three-date rule.” Let’s just throw out any rules that imply that what you want to do with your body and when you want to do it are not up to you. Make your own rules based on comfortability and what you’re feeling.
There’s something about the end of one year and the beginning of a new one that naturally inspires you to take stock of your old habits and start some smarter ones. This well-researched phenomenon is called the “fresh start effect” — landmarks, like a new year, motivate people to set goals. If your goal involves figuring out how to find love in 2022, I’ve got news for you: you don’t have to spend hours tirelessly swiping on those dating apps to attain that happily ever after. In fact, many of the best dating tips I have to offer have nothing to do with looking for other singles, but rather, working on yourself. The more time and effort you put into examining and changing the patterns that are keeping you “stuck,” the more likely you are to recognize real love with lasting potential when you find it. In short, it’s time to turn inward. What shortcomings may be preventing you from attracting the partner you desire? What unhealthy beliefs or tendencies are driving you toward toxic people? How can you build yourself up so that you have the confidence to go after what you want, and the resilience to handle rejection when it doesn’t work out?
My motto is: you get what you put up with. So, are you willing to accept someone who walks all over you, disrespects your boundaries, or takes from you without giving in return? Expect more. Better yet, work on believing that you deserve more, and that way, you can hold any future partners accountable. Start by making a list of all the skills and positive qualities you can bring to the table in a relationship. Are you a compassionate listener? Generous with your time? Have a great sense of humor? If you need to, ask friends for their take on what your biggest strengths are. Once you’ve drafted your list, read it every single day. Eventually, it’ll start sinking in that you have a lot to offer in a relationship, and therefore, should only be with someone who not only appreciates all of those qualities but also has a lot to offer in return.